the really good guide to

beauty

demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty
demystifying beauty

the 

REALLY GOOD

league table.

the best really good 

beauty

 things in the world, conveniently ranked.

what's new
what's new
beauty

We HAVE to Talk About Tanning

a bloody good quiz

FIND THE BEST FIT FOR YOUR BLOODY BITS

what should you stick up... well, you

it’s that time of the month again, huh? sucks. but have you ever thought that maybe it could suck a little bit less? y’know using the wrong menstrual products can make your period feel like total shit. luckily for you, the scientists (a girl with a laptop) in our lab (office) have devised this super scientific quiz that will help you find a brand spanking new alternative. and if we get it wrong based on our highly scientific data (questions about Glee), you can always just do the quiz again until you get a different option! it’s still funny on the second go, we promise.

let’s suck up that blood. first of all, what’re you using now?
pads
tampons
menstrual cup
free bleeding 4 life
yes or no:
mr schue is kinda tolerable
do you like using internal menstrual products but hate the leakage?
wanna try out something external rather than internal?
do you wanna try something that is still super comfy, but goes way up your woowah?
do you just want to be comfy rn?
was santana the best character?
did you get scared by that tiktok where that girl prolapsed her uterus with a menstrual cup?
does your flow fluctuate a fuck tonne?
is the concept of putting a foreign object all up in you a little intimidating?
do you get a total kick from buying products that are ethical and sustainable?
does rachel berry deserve the very worst in life?
do you need some serious pain relief for your cramps?
Flux Undies
a comfy girlie. i can get behind that. Flux Undies are up to 100% leak-proof and just about the comfiest menstrual solution for anyone who is still a bit too scared to be putting anything wayyyyy up there.
Ruby Cup
okay, eco baddie! you know what you’re talking about when it comes to menstrual comfort, and so do the good people at Ruby Cup. plus every cup purchased is a cup donated to girls living in period poverty, so it really is a win for everyone.
TOTM Pads
you’re over the whole insertion thing, and i totally understand. so does TOTM. they have a huge variety of pads depending on your period needs, providing leak proof pads that hold up against a gruelling leg day routine (tried and tested, believe me). plus a fellow rachel berry hater. i love you.
Daye Tampons
let’s goooo! get your variety pack of Daye Tampons and break out that sweet sweet golden CBD for the really rough days. you’re a bad bitch with places to be, and you can’t have cramps holding you back. an iconic choice for an iconic girlie.

*disclaimer we are not medical professionals. some, if not all, medical advice from really good culture should be ignored.

Flux Undies

a comfy girlie. i can get behind that. Flux Undies are up to 100% leak-proof and just about the comfiest menstrual solution for anyone who is still a bit too scared to be putting anything wayyyyy up there.

Ruby Cup

okay, eco baddie! you know what you’re talking about when it comes to menstrual comfort, and so do the good people at Ruby Cup. plus every cup purchased is a cup donated to girls living in period poverty, so it really is a win for everyone.

TOTM Pads

you’re over the whole insertion thing, and i totally understand. so does TOTM. they have a huge variety of pads depending on your period needs, providing leak proof pads that hold up against a gruelling leg day routine (tried and tested, believe me). plus a fellow rachel berry hater. i love you.

Ruby Cup

okay, eco baddie! you know what you’re talking about when it comes to menstrual comfort, and so do the good people at Ruby Cup. plus every cup purchased is a cup donated to girls living in period poverty, so it really is a win for everyone.

a totally useless quiz

fermentation for the nation

do you keep seeing content of people saying they’ve cured all of their ailments by focusing on ‘gut health’, but don’t actually tell you how they did it?

what’s the secret? it’s not manifestation this time! it’s fermented goods.

choose your favourite minion meme to find your perfect fermented good.

does dairy make you
shit yourself?
scoby
are you a pickle girl?
do you know what kefir is?
fizzy
drinks yay or nay?
have you eaten a cabbage before?
sausage?
(veggie available on request)
do you want to know what kefir is?
do you like vinegar on your chips?
are you feeling a lil spicy today?
could you eat a potato every single day?

*disclaimer we are not medical professionals. some, if not all, medical advice from really good culture should be ignored.

a sexy yet sobering quiz

MONSTER FUCKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE

don’t lie, i know you’re a little curious

oh, uh hey. you clicked on the monster fucker quiz, huh? that’s a little weird but i’ll let it slide this once seeing as i made the quiz. on a real though, we’ve all been a little curious when it comes to the sexy world of the uncanny - i know i’m not the only one to get a lil fanny flutter watching venom, and it wasn’t over tom hardy. well luckily for us freaks and weirdos, you can buy dildos in monster shapes and proportions so we can fulfil all of our wildest fantasies. let’s find out which beast you should be bringing to bed.

let’s make this paranormal porno. first of all, what’s the genre?
slasher
sci-fi
creature feature
fang flick
do you like your men a little rough & ready?
are you excited by weird shapes and even weirder size proportions?
are you a total sucker for suction?
should everything be sparkly?
yes or no:
mommy issues are weirdly a turn on
do you looooove a long tongue?
do you enjoy things being extra wet?
how do you feel about temperature play, like ice cubes?
do you want someone who will persue you, and only you?
how do you feel about black latex?
do you enjoy the taste of salt?
do you want a gentle introduction to moster fucking?
JASON
he’s tall, committed, and can’t wait to get all up in your insides. plus he loves his mum. what more can you ask for? go for something with extra texture to replicate jason’s decaying schlong and fantasise away.
ALIEN
a girl after my own heart. whether it’s his enormous size, five foot tongue, or ribbed-for-her-pleasure tail, the xenomorph is just about every freak’s wet dream. anything long, black, and shiny will do for some out of this world self love.
DAVY JONES
arrrgh a tentacle lover eh? good choice girly. you’ve got tonnes of really good options for nautical knobs in just about every size and material. get yourself a super slippy lube to keep things wet for the most authentic experience so you can hit some high c’s.
EDWARD
kind of vanilla, but I won’t shame you for that, he’s a total heart throb. if you want to make this blood sucking shag a reality, get yourself a glass dildo and a bowl of cold water to keep dipping it in so you can get some sparkly, ice cold cock.

*disclaimer we are not medical professionals. some, if not all, medical advice from really good culture should be ignored.

JASON

he’s tall, committed, and can’t wait to get all up in your insides. plus he loves his mum. what more can you ask for? go for something with extra texture to replicate jason’s decaying schlong and fantasise away.

ALIEN

a girl after my own heart. whether it’s his enormous size, five foot tongue, or ribbed-for-her-pleasure tail, the xenomorph is just about every freak’s wet dream. anything long, black, and shiny will do for some out of this world self love.

DAVY JONES

arrrgh a tentacle lover eh? good choice girly. you’ve got tonnes of really good options for nautical knobs in just about every size and material. get yourself a super slippy lube to keep things wet for the most authentic experience so you can hit some high c’s.

EDWARD

kind of vanilla, but I won’t shame you for that, he’s a total heart throb. if you want to make this blood sucking shag a reality, get yourself a glass dildo and a bowl of cold water to keep dipping it in so you can get some sparkly, ice cold cock.

a sexy yet sobering quiz

IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN

but is it using the right lotion?

Do you want really good skin that every serial killer would want to cut off and wear as a horrifically uncanny mask over their own disfigured man-mush? Me too! But to get our skin to a level that’s worthy of becoming couture we have to know which products to use, and to know which products to use, we have to know our skin type. It’s all very complicated, but we’ve used our highly scientific quiz to save you some dosh on a dermatologist visit*.*if you’ve got genuine skin concerns spend the dosh on the derm, don’t trust a silly little quiz and please don’t press charges if i get your skin type wrong, i’m just a girl with a laptop and a dream, i don’t deserve that

first of all, which of these best describes your skin texture?
smooth
tight
flaky in places
bumpy
can you try new products without the fear of breaking out?
is your skin as dull as the first hour of the Blair Witch Project?
do you have super annoying large pores on your nose and/or forehead?
are you always #glowingfrom the #greaselevels
would you describe your skin as radiant?
is your face itchy if you don’t lube it up with moisturiser?
could you get away with leaving the house without moisturising
is your skin super blemish-prone?
lucky you...
do you feel like your skin has reached the dermatological equivalent of nirvana and is perfectly balanced?
does retinol setyour whole face on fire?
do you have the ungodly combination of dry patches and acne? me too :(
lucky you...
do you have an irrational fear of moisturiser because it’ll make you shinier
congrats on having "Normal" Skin
but unfortunately, you participated in this spooky quiz.

Your skin may be normal, but you definitely aren’t.
Having normal skin doesn’t mean you’re exempt from needing to pay attention to your skin and what goes on it. Luckily, we’ve got a really good solution, just for you.
you're not a flake, it's just Dry Skin
okay Cassandra!
We’ll moisturise you.
You may be dry as a bone and we’re sorry to hear that. Luckily for you, some people who are better than us (not hard) have a really good solution :)
welcome to the Combination Skin club
You’ve got it all, we get it, stop bragging!!

Sorry that your skin has multiple personalities, but it’s okay, - engage your saviour complex and help her!
If you haven’t already nailed your temperamental skin care routine, we’ve found a really good solution for you.
hot girls have
Oily Skin
yes they do!

The dry girls and the American government wish they had your oil.

Save it in a bottle and sell it back to them and become the first ethical billionaire.
Now you’ve got a really good business plan and a oily skin solution! cos we love ya.

*disclaimer we are not medical professionals. some, if not all, medical advice from really good culture should be ignored.

congrats on having “Normal’’ Skin

but unfortunately, you participated in this spooky quiz. Your skin may be normal, but you definitely aren’t. Having normal skin doesn’t mean you’re exempt from needing to pay attention to your skin and what goes on it. Luckily, we’ve got a really good solution, just for you.

you’re not a flake, it’s just Dry Skin

okay Cassandra! We’ll moisturise you.

You may be dry as a bone and we’re sorry to hear that. Luckily for you, some people who are better than us (not hard) have a really good solution :)

welcome to the Combination Skin club

You’ve got it all, we get it, stop bragging!! Sorry that your skin has multiple personalities, but it’s okay, - engage your saviour complex and help her! If you haven’t already nailed your temperamental skin care routine, we’ve found a really good solution for you.

hot girls have Oily Skin

yes they do! The dry girls and the American government wish they had your oil. Save it in a bottle and sell it back to them and become the first ethical billionaire. Now you’ve got a really good business plan and a oily skin solution! cos we love ya.

a confusing but comforting quiz

OH, YOU’RE MENTALLY ILL?

awww... nawww...
so anyways, which sylvanian families would you be?

hey girlie pop. we’re in the same boat rn, you and me, i can tell because there’s no way in hell that a bitch with working serotonin production is clicking on the sylvanian families quiz.  if you are completely fine and happy, firstly fuck you, secondly you’re actually appropriating mental illness culture right now, so i’m gonna need to see a twitter apology in the next three to five business days.... man i need to get the fuck off of tiktok.

first of all, which of sorry for my little outburst, i already apologised via instagram story. anyway how’re we feeling today, miss thing?
i’m certainly feeling
not too bad
neutral
fucking distraught
have you seen Gone Girl?
are you lost in the sauce rn?
is the weight of an unreachable beauty standard crushing you more and more every single day?
vodka redbull?
it’s good innit.
have you left the house today?
do you like Lana Del Rey?
yes or no:
jelly cat teddies
you’re invited to my rick and morty binge watch party! do you accept?
do you fill the void with vinted shopping and apple pay bc it doesn’t feel like you’re spending real money. new clothes+ no consequences
have you ever done a google search for ‘most dramatic mascara to cry in’?
do you have a reddit account?
fancy a good sesh (sobbing whilst listening to charlixcx)?
✨Her✨
you may be a little stressed, but you’re super well dressed. the queen of vintage capsule wardrobes, the icon, the moment. you always give the best fashion advice and your friends look to you for the next trend. you’re the coolest friend, with the best personality to match.
✨Him✨
you’re giving ballet-core coquette realness rn girlie. you only smoke girl blunts and drink white wine, purrrr. times get tough, but you’re tougher, cuter, and serving more cunt that anyone else. stay iconic, bestie.
✨Them✨
okay miss art student! you’re the most creative person your friends know, but instead of all the suffering for your art making you a tortured soul, you’ve managed to stay soft and kind and considerate. you’re a joy to be around and light up every room.
✨Her✨
serving pop princess even on the bus to work, you’re the 21st century it girl, and a momentary not-so-slay mental health moment doesn’t define you. you’re a girl with places to be, and you’re gonna look sickening getting there.
✨Her✨

you may be a little stressed, but you’re super well dressed. the queen of vintage capsule wardrobes, the icon, the moment. you always give the best fashion advice and your friends look to you for the next trend. you’re the coolest friend, with the best personality to match.

✨Him✨

you’re giving ballet-core coquette realness rn girlie. you only smoke girl blunts and drink white wine, purrrr. times get tough, but you’re tougher, cuter, and serving more cunt that anyone else. stay iconic, bestie.

✨Them✨

okay miss art student! you’re the most creative person your friends know, but instead of all the suffering for your art making you a tortured soul, you’ve managed to stay soft and kind and considerate. you’re a joy to be around and light up every room.

✨Her✨

serving pop princess even on the bus to work, you’re the 21st century it girl, and a momentary not-so-slay mental health moment doesn’t define you. you’re a girl with places to be, and you’re gonna look sickening getting there.

a quiz that might make your life better
which comforting

THIRD SPACE

should you go to to fix your shitty mental health?
Which Kimmy K is “totally you”?
Are you feeling stressed babe?
Do you feel a lil’ bit out of control?
Have you had any me time recently?
Have you been sleeping ok?
Have you been girlbossing a lil’ too hard recently?
Brain fog?
Are you a fan of solo dates?
Have you read a book since GCSE english?
Popcorn?
Have you left the house in 3-5 working days?
Do you ever fantasise about having a meet-cute over an oat latte?
Fictional men > actual men
the cinema 🍿
You’ve been slaying the game but boy do you need a break. It’s a hard life being a high-functioning girlboss like you, so treat yourself (and your mind) to a BREAK...with a side of tango ice blast and a large popcorn. Escape from your fast paced life and get stuck into someone else’s story. You’ll feel incred afterwards I promise :)
the gym 🏋🏻
You’ve not been at the driving wheel in your own life have you? Whatever it is that’s spinning you out, is gonna be just fine. I promise. Grab the bull by the horns and hit the gym. A good sweat will have you feeling like the master of your own destiny. Plus some endorphins will help <3
your local coffee shop ☕️
Solo dates can be scary, but taking yourself out of your ushe environment to feel like a hot, mysterious stranger is better than therapy. Trust. Even if you don’t meet the love of your life when you’re reaching for the oat
milk, you’ll still get a yummy bev. What’s the worst that can happen?
the library📚
Yes, libraries do still exist. And they’re actually so cute. If you wanna romanticise your life and find that perf book to help you unwind before bed then the library’s the place for you. Bonus points if you sit in one of those comfy af bean bags to read. Elite experience.
the cinema 🍿

You’ve been slaying the game but boy do you need a break. It’s a hard life being a high-functioning girlboss like you, so treat yourself (and your mind) to a BREAK...with a side of tango ice blast and a large popcorn. Escape from your fast paced life and get stuck into someone else’s story. You’ll feel incred afterwards I promise :)

the gym 🏋🏻

You’ve not been at the driving wheel in your own life have you? Whatever it is that’s spinning you out, is gonna be just fine. I promise. Grab the bull by the horns and hit the gym. A good sweat will have you feeling like the master of your own destiny. Plus some endorphins will help <3

your local coffee shop ☕️

Solo dates can be scary, but taking yourself out of your ushe environment to feel like a hot, mysterious stranger is better than therapy. Trust. Even if you don’t meet the love of your life when you’re reaching for the oat. milk, you’ll still get a yummy bev. What’s the worst that can happen?

the library 📚

Yes, libraries do still exist. And they’re actually so cute. If you wanna romanticise your life and find that perf book to help you unwind before bed then the library’s the place for you. Bonus points if you sit in one of those comfy af bean bags to read. Elite experience.

a totally useless quiz

hot girls sweat

take our quiz to find out which kind of sweaty hot girl you are

Choose your favourite 80s workout icon to find of which type of gym girl you are.
Can you touch your toes?
Is the workout only as good as the smoothie afterwards?
Do you enjoy putting your body through excruciating pain?
Do you use exercise to work through your inner rage?
Do you like the taste of matcha?
Do you know what erewhon is?
Do you own blister plasters?
Do you know what dry scooping is?
Have you ever tried meditation?
is the lululemon BBL jacket on your wishlist?
Do you
wake up before
7am?
Do you like fish? And a rice cake?
Totes zen yoga girl 🧘
Protecting your inner peace is your first priority. When it comes to exercise you want something to make you feel calm, relaxed and centred. Yoga is the obvious choice, and you look so zen doing it <3
Pilates princess 👸🏼
“I do pilates for the low impact strength training” is what you tell anyone who asks. But we all know that you’re paying all that dough at reformer for the aesthetic of it all...and the mandatory acai bowls too.
but who can blame you? Pilates looks incred on you, and smoothie bowls are delish!
Cardio queen 🏃
If your heart isn’t pounding and there isn’t sweat drenching your entire bod, the workout wasn’t it. You’re an adrenaline junkie & love pushing yourself to the limit.
Just make sure you give yourself a break every now and then. You’re doing great sweetie :).
Gym girlie 🏋🏻
Your body is 90% preworkout, and 10% protein bor. But hey, you can squat double your body weight and could easily take anyone in a fight. You scare me, but I also want to be you. Ps. pls eat something more exciting than chicken & rice. Life’s too short for that shit.
Totes zen yoga girl 🧘

Protecting your inner peace is your first priority. When it comes to exercise you want something to make you feel calm, relaxed and centred. Yoga is the obvious choice, and you look so zen doing it <3

Pilates princess 👸🏼

“I do pilates for the low impact strength training” is what you tell anyone who asks. But we all know that you’re paying all that dough at reformer for the aesthetic of it all...and the mandatory acai bowls too. but who can blame you? Pilates looks incred on you, and smoothie bowls are delish!

Cardio queen 🏃

If your heart isn’t pounding and there isn’t sweat drenching your entire bod, the workout wasn’t it. You’re an adrenaline junkie & love pushing yourself to the limit. Just make sure you give yourself a break every now and then. You’re doing great sweetie :).

Gym girlie 🏋🏻

Your body is 90% preworkout, and 10% protein bor. But hey, you can squat double your body weight and could easily take anyone in a fight. You scare me, but I also want to be you. Ps. pls eat something more exciting than chicken & rice. Life’s too short for that shit.

a quiz for the bold & beautiful

WHOSE ICONIC LOOK SHOULD YOU TRY OUT?

become an editorial bad bitch

Beauty is a big bad industry, and it can be kinda intimidating to push the boat out and try something new. I’d like to say that I get that, but I have no eyebrows rn. I love anything that would make an old small-c-conservative lady clutch at her pearls and recoil before hitting you with the ‘oh darling, what have you done to yourself?’. If you too live for intergenerational disappointment and vogue editorials in equal measure, oh boy do I have the quiz for you.

first of all, which of these best describes your current style?
bare basics baddie
full glam always
artsy gyal
grunge girlie
do you still
want to be as bare faced as possible?
yes or no:

if you’re not glowing like a fenty-covered lighthouse, it’s not a full beat.
should we go a
lil gothy?
wanna keep your edge but incorporate some colour?
are you after a whole new look?
fancy looking like something
straight out of a magazine?
wanna try something that your nan would freakout over?
do you love
standing out from the crowd?
are eyebrows overrated?
do you want a pop
of colour?
do you have a hankering for a 90’s brow moment?
how do we feel about face paints
and pigment pots?
Jazzelle
@uglyworldwide
a full 360 for you.

Jazzelle’s look is minimal but still super out there, so you don’t need to do a full face to be an icon living.
Aoife
@aiofeartist
this is full glam for girlies who are a little bit ✨different✨. it’s editorial, high end, and eye catching - just like you <3
Frankie
@frankiepdarling
let’s get edgy.

some Pammy brows and the dark lip liner & gloss combo will give you the ultimate rockstar’s gf look.
Mei
@meicrosoft
take eyeliner to the  logical extreme and paint your whole face. it’s not just for kids’ birthday parties anymore - it’s fashion babe, look it up.
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